The invisible labor of families
Women, and often women of color, carry much of the financial and emotional cost when a loved one is incarcerated. Jo Kreiter, a San Francisco choreographer whose husband was inside, put it plainly: "One of the things that is extremely true in America is that women are the reentry system."
Cassandra Butler has cared for incarcerated loved ones for nearly two decades. A single weekend visit can run $800 to $1,000. She spends about $600 each year flying her niece from Texas to Washington for a single yearly visit with her father. That is the real shape of the work, and most of it is unpaid and unseen.
Specialized support matters
General self-care is essential, but families affected by incarceration often need specialized support. 300 Letters is a nonprofit offering mental health services built specifically for these families. It was founded by Amanda Tarver, who is formerly incarcerated, and it focuses on the emotional and psychological side of the journey.
Tarver explains why: "I realized early on when I came back home that there were not any resources focused on the emotional and internal side of dealing with being incarcerated." She adds: "It took me years to learn that children of incarcerated parents are six times more likely to be incarcerated themselves." 300 Letters offers support groups, counseling, and resources aimed at reducing that cycle.
Practical steps for your own care
- Find a support group or therapist who understands incarceration
- Set limits on how much time and energy go to prison-related tasks each week
- Build in small mindfulness practices: a walk, a few minutes of breathing, time outside
- Stay connected to friends who fill your cup, not just those who need something
- Protect sleep, movement, and meals. These are not extras
- Name what you are carrying. The work you do is real, even when nobody sees it
Connection and care, together
Pelipost believes that staying close to your incarcerated loved one and caring for yourself are part of the same practice. Sending photos and cards keeps your loved one connected. Reaching out to groups like 300 Letters keeps you resourced enough to keep showing up. Strength is not doing this alone. It is knowing when to ask for help.
Learn more about family-focused mental health support at 300 Letters.