A love story that inspired our community
In 2018, Alesha Poché reached out to tell us about her long-distance relationship with her incarcerated loved one, Barry. Their story inspired our "Love Never Gives Up" merchandise for what we now call Global Incarcerated Loved One Day. After years of updates and visits, Barry was released in March following 27 years served on a life sentence he received at age 16. We sat down with Alesha to talk about what she has learned.
Love never gives up
Alesha is direct about why the stigma needs to go. "Just because they did something that was wrong does not automatically make them a bad person unworthy of having friends or relationships, of being in love." People inside are still people. They change. They grow. The humanity does not disappear because the sentence is long.
The power of photos in prison
Alesha and Barry took pictures at every single visit for eight years. Each visit became its own small chapter. Photos also carried Barry into pieces of her daily life he could not see. When she would drive past a landmark in town, Barry would mention a picture they had taken there. Suddenly the map of her world was a map he knew, too.
"They're ALWAYS happy to receive photos," she says. When she worried that sharing vacation pictures might hurt him, he told her the opposite. The photos gave him hope and something to dream toward.
Battling misconceptions
Alesha addresses what people assume about women who love someone inside, that "something's wrong with you" or that you are "desperate." She quickly points to her own resume: 22 years at the same company, degrees, career advancement. This relationship was not a fallback. It was a choice rooted in who Barry actually is.
Communicating with a loved one in prison
For anyone new to this, Alesha offers practical advice:
- Get involved with community and build a small, trusted support network
- Research the laws that affect your loved one and connect with advocacy groups
- Encourage your loved one to pursue self-improvement, however that looks for them
- Take care of yourself. This life asks a lot of you
- Talk about everything, not only the easy stuff
- Hold on through the hard days. They do pass
She is clear on one more thing: a strong support system is not optional. The COVID years made that obvious, with visits suspended and creativity required. Love never gives up, but it does need people around it.